I chose to live life as a non-binary and came out about it a few years ago. I initially thought that I was gay, but in recent years I have found the category that fits. Non-binary technically, means: definition from the book Authentic Selves: Celebrating Trans and Non- Binary People and Their Families, is not identifying exclusively as a man or a woman. Non-binary people may identify as being both a man and a woman, as being somewhere in between, or as falling completely outside these categories.
I found that I was attracted to both sexes, and I felt okay having relationships with both sexes. My gender category as neither male nor female, means I can opt to have gay relationships as well, i.e. with women.
With the publication of Authentic Selves, the world has become more comfortable with varying gender categories and sexual preferences.
The category “gender fluid” is defined as not identifying with a single, fixed gender, or having a fluid or unfixed gender identity. I could also be considered “genderqueer” which is defined as rejecting static categories of gender in favor of a fluidity of gender identity and often, though not always, sexual orientation.
I am a non-binary gender fluid genderqueer person attracted to both sexes.
One way of recognizing a non-binary is by way of dress. This is called “gender expression,” which is the external manifestation of one’s gender identity, usually through behavior, clothing, body characteristics, or voice. A person’s gender expression may or may not match the behaviors and characteristics associated with their gender. A woman usually defies conventional dress for a woman i.e. very feminine clothing. They may wear clothing that is more on the masculine side one day, then another day they may wear a dress with a sweatshirt and sneakers. These identifying characteristics are a dead giveaway, as older more traditional generations would notice. Older folks know women as “June Cleavers,” with very traditional feminine characteristics consistently from day to day. Men are identified as wearing suits and ties with briefcases. Men nowadays can wear cross-dress garb, such as short shorts, i.e. hot pants, and heels, with a floral print shirt. Both these types the female and male as I described could identify as non-binary, gender fluid, or transgender, the more commonly used term from the past. Transgenders identify as having a gender identity and/or expression different from what is culturally associated with the sex the person was assigned at birth. Being a transgender does not imply any specific sexual orientation. Transgenders may identify as straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual or any other orientation.
We have Queer Studies programs in colleges and universities to thank, many of which have done extensive research on gender identity, sexuality and gay, lesbian and transgender communities. Growing up and knowing I was “different” by not feeling totally like a girl, but knowing I was not a boy, was sometimes confusing, and I had difficulties adjusting to societal norms.
I am happy to report that I am finally savoring the freedom as an adult that I felt I could have as a child.
