Dear Mz. Pink,
I am a middle-aged woman and for as long as I can remember I have always identified myself as a lesbian. I have been in a couple of long-term relationships and a few shortterm ones. I consider myself well-versed in the lesbian community. This has always been my lifestyle. Lately, however, I have wondered if being with a man would be easier. I want to have a family, but right now I am single with no women prospects and the future looks grim. If I was with a man I could have a baby and a family with no trials and tribulations. I don’t like thinking this way but I am not getting any younger and my baby-making days are numbered. What should I do?
Baby Blues
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Hello Baby Blues,
You are definitely in a predicament. I know that right now it seems that there is no time for anything, but trust me, you have at least a little time to work with. Besides, wanting a baby takes planning and some time even if you decide to have one with a man.
I don’t recommend switching your whole lifestyle to have a child. If that is the route you want to take you can find a man who will “help” in that area and not want a rela- tionship or anything else from you, but if you are having feelings of wanting to have sex with a man or to have a relationship with one, then you need to decide if that is what you really want to try. I can tell you that you may get into this so-called “easier relationship” and then decide you have made a huge mistake because you are and always have been a lesbian. Remember the expression is “born this way.”
However, if you decide to stay true to who you are and always have been then there are ways that you can have all that you want. Like I said before, it just takes time and planning. Here are some options for you:
You could wait to see if a relationship will blossom with someone you want to be with. The way you are feeling is the way someone else is feeling — you just need to find her so you can get that ball rolling. She is out there and she does want what you want.
You could just go at the family thing single. There are plenty of women out there who do it by themselves every day. How, you ask? Well, you could get a known-donor where a man would provide you with sperm and you could attempt to inseminate yourself. Or you could go through a clinic and choose a donor that way.
If the at-home insemination doesn’t sound like something you could do or want to try, then you could go through IVF and have a doctor perform the task for you.
If you just want a child and do not want to go through all or any of these types of procedures then you could always try to adopt.
I feel like you are making decisions too quickly and you are letting your biological clock make the decisions for you. Please do not rush into any life-altering decisions just because you feel you have to make a family. Although making a baby with a man would be considered “easier”, it doesn’t mean that being in a relationship and having a family with a man would be. So keep that in your mind while you decide what you are going to do.
Please don’t be one of those lesbians who jump back and forth, either. If you want to be with women, be with women. You can have a family and a happy life with someone you truly love and want to be with. If you want to be with a man, just do it. You are grown and you don’t need an excuse to be with anybody. Don’t use a family and an easier route as your excuse to be with a man.
Think about this scenario: What happens if you get with a man, get pregnant fairly quickly and when the baby is born you realise you don’t want to be with this man. What happens to your baby? Are you going to just jump into a relationship with a woman after all that? Do you think it will be easier to have a child with a man and then have a relationship with a woman? I can almost guarantee your reasoning will cause endless arguments in your real relationship.
You can save yourself and your future family a lot of turmoil and emotional hardship if you just think and plan a little bit.
Mz. Pink
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